The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins 💗📖

I have a confession to make.

I thought this book was overhyped.

There. I said it. 😂

Because The Let Them Theory was EVERYWHERE. Instagram. TikTok. Podcasts. Bookstores. People quoting “Let them” like they had just discovered the secret formula to life.

And every time I saw it, I was like…

Okay, okay. We get it. Let them. 😂

So naturally, I had to read it.

And now I owe Mel Robbins an apology.

Because I finished this book and thought:

Oh.

Wait.

This is actually really good.

Actually, scratch that.

I think this is a must-read.

Because beneath the very catchy “Let Them” philosophy is something much bigger: an uncomfortable look at how much of our lives we allow other people to control without even realising it.

Our moods.

Our decisions.

Our confidence.

Our relationships.

Our peace.

And apparently, our ability to look at an Instagram story without wondering why we weren't invited. 😂

The premise itself sounds ridiculously simple:

Let them.

Let people have their opinions.

Let them make their choices.

Let them misunderstand you.

Let them not invite you.

Let them not text you.

Let them disagree with you.

Let them be who they are.

Because you cannot control other people.

But you can decide how much power their behaviour gets to have over your life.

And THAT was the part that really got me.

Because how often do we sit there analysing someone else's behaviour?

Why did they say that?

Why didn't they invite me?

Why are they doing this?

Why aren't they doing that?

What do they think of me?

Do they like me?

Do they not like me?

Meanwhile, the other person is probably at home eating dinner and hasn't given the situation half as much thought as we have. 😂

We are essentially handing people the remote control to our emotional state and then wondering why we're exhausted.

One of my favourite parts of the book was when Mel talks about feeling left out because she wasn't invited on a girls' trip.

And girl…

I FELT THAT.

Because I have absolutely had those moments.

Cousins getting together.

Friends making plans.

People suddenly becoming very active on Instagram while I am apparently not on the guest list. 👀

And for the longest time, my brain would immediately turn it into a personal investigation.

What did I do?

Why wasn't I included?

Do they not like me anymore?

But the book made me look at these situations differently.

Sometimes…

your scene is simply different.

You don't have the same interests.

You don't have the same connection anymore.

You don't have the same history.

And sometimes, if we're being brutally honest, you haven't exactly been putting in the effort to maintain the relationship either. 😂

And that is okay.

Which brings me to one of my favourite concepts in the book: the Three Pillars of Connection.

The idea that our relationships are often strengthened by things like proximity, timing and energy made SO much sense to me.

Suddenly, I understood friendships in another angle and probably more than I ever did before.

Take Sarah from Troposphere studio.

We didn't sit down one day and say:

“Congratulations. We are now friends.” 😂

We became friends because we were regularly in the same place, doing something we both enjoyed, and seeing each other frequently.

Proximity. Frequency. Shared interest.

And then I thought about my university friends. I always think of them.

When we graduated, we all said the usual:

“We HAVE to keep in touch!”

“We'll definitely meet all the time!”

Narrator: We did not. 😂

Because then came the great scattering.

Different jobs.

Different routines.

Different relationships.

Different priorities.

Different phases of life.

And suddenly, the people you once saw five days a week become people you haven't seen in six months or years. 

And that doesn't necessarily mean the friendship failed.

Life changed the conditions that created the friendship.

I found that incredibly comforting.

Because sometimes we interpret the natural evolution of relationships as rejection.

Someone isn't around as much anymore, so we assume they don't care.

A friendship changes, so we think something went wrong.

People form new circles, and we immediately wonder what is wrong with us.

But maybe nothing is wrong.

Maybe we're just in different chapters.

And THAT is what I loved about this book.

It doesn't simply tell you “stop caring what people think.”

It actually helps you understand why we care so much.

Why we seek validation.

Why someone else's behaviour can completely derail our mood.

Why we spend so much energy trying to control things that were never ours to control in the first place.

And then comes the second half:

Let me.

Let me decide what I want.

Let me choose how I respond.

Let me make my own decisions.

Let me build the life I actually want instead of constantly adjusting myself according to everybody else's expectations.

And I think that's where the real power of the theory lies.

Because Let Them isn't about becoming indifferent.

It isn't about letting people walk all over you.

It isn't about never communicating your feelings.

And it certainly isn't about pretending you don't care.

It's about recognising:

I cannot control you.

But I can control what I do next.

Is this book revolutionary?

Not necessarily.

A lot of these ideas have existed in psychology, philosophy and self-help for years.

But I think Mel Robbins has done something incredibly clever.

She has taken ideas that can sometimes feel complicated and turned them into something simple enough to remember when you're actually in the middle of your messy little life.

And that is why I now understand the hype.

So, was The Let Them Theory overhyped?

Yes.

Do I still think it's a must-read?

Also yes. 😂

In fact, I think this is one of those books you should read at different stages of your life because the people and situations you're learning to let go of controlling will change.

The lesson doesn't.

You cannot control other people.

But you can stop giving them control over you.

And perhaps that is one of the most freeing things you can learn.

So yes, Mel.

You got me.

I went in thinking, “Let's see what all this fuss is about.”

And came out questioning how many times I've been giving other people the remote control to my own life. 😂

Apparently, this Common Island Girl disappeared from the blog for a while and came back with ✨boundaries✨.

Not sure whether to be proud or concerned. 💅🏼😂

Until next time,